All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was a simple way to get over you. 


Baby cause all I ever wanted was you


I feel like a bloody idiot. I've done even the stupidest things to stop feeling like this.
Stupid things like making a list of all the possibilities that might wipe out this thing I have for him.

Murder, being gay (like true blue I dig men kind), poverty, having AIDS, disfiguration, mental/physical handicaps, anger issues, addiction to drugs/ tobacco/ pron/ bubble tea/ alcohol/whatever, using more cosmetics than I do, hating animals, being an ass to my bffs, male chauvinism.
Ya the list is stupid in itself but do you know what's the stupidest thing?
It's this one truth: even then nothing will change.

I lovehate feeling like this.

Actually I've finally gotten a few unforgivables- rape, eating dogs, animal abuse, cannibalism, satanism, infidelity.
But knowing him, the probability of the above is just close to 0.

What the shit right. I try to think of ways to forget about him and they all just backfire and reveal how much I actually like him. And it just defeats my whole purpose.
Should I
a) just stop trying altogether and live in misery hoping and waiting till I see him in heaven
b) keep trying to scrub him off cause who knows, maybe he'll not mean so much to me after a decade
c) make him hate me so I'd be so heartbroken that I can't feel nothin no more
d) tell him the truth so he'll get annoyed/ freaked out/ and have similar outcomes as (c)
e) just die so all this will come to an end

Option E is definitely out.

How liddat how how how how how?

Labels: pickl, thoughts