I'm feeling much better today.

Saturday was an intense journey down memory lane and I was kinda shocked at how much I'm still affected by it. It was weird, all the emotions. Anger, guilt, relief, fear, embarrassment and some others that I can't exactly put a name to. I tried keeping a strong front but I guess I couldn't hold it up.
I'm really thankful that I could finally tell someone about it. It felt so liberating knowing how much they related too. I love you guys, you know who you are :)

Sunday I decided to unwind by the beach. Have some time for myself to just... process everything.

What happened happened, there's no way to go back in time to undo it. It's no use pretending like it never happened either. Because it did, and as traumatizing as it was, the only way around to dealing with it positively is to learn from the bad experience. Accept that it was both our faults and let it go. I used to have nightmares about it and part of my insomnia was because of this but that was then.

People get over things. That's the only way to continue living life to the fullest. What's the use of dwelling on the bad stuff when all you're gonna do is miss out on the good.
I want to get over this. Completely. I just want to rid myself of feeling like shit about the situation. I know what I must do but it's just really hard and I don't know if I'll be capable and I kinda don't want to.

But what am I afraid of?

I used to think that by forgiving him it'll be like I'm being too easy. Maybe that's what I'm afraid of.

But I don't want to be. Because I know that I'm not going to be insecure anymore.

Okay enough of the deep thinking. I have absolutely no idea what to wear to the party later on. Earl said the theme's Hip Hop/ R&B. My wardrobe is anything but that.
Oh well I guess I just gotta mix and match. Earl said that I should look at my clothes and go: What would Rihanna wear?
HAHAHA.
Rihanna wears whatever she wants. She doesn't dress in a steryotype. Hence so should I.