My dog's birthday is coming up. He'll be turning 10 (or 70 in doggy years) and it has suddenly hit me that my dog may just... pass on anytime. His life expectancy is 9-14 years. Considering his heart problems, I think he may not live past his 12th year.

I'm getting increasingly paranoid now. When I'm back home, I'll call out for him and my heart skips a beat whenever there's no response. Usually he's sound asleep or hiding out in his favourite corner in the cupboard. I can't imagine coming back home, and realizing that my dog will never wake up. I feel like crying just thinking about it. I don't want him to ever leave me. But... it's ineveitable.
So I'm preparing myself for the worst now. But as prepared as I may be, I doubt it'll make a difference when the real thing happens.

I feel like I'm in one of those movies where the lead has only a year to live.

I love my dog too much to accept the fact that he isn't gonna live much longer. I don't want him to leave me. Ever.

I'll be wrecked. I wouldn't know what to do without him in my life.
And I'm sure that considering everything that I've been through, that would be all of it combined times a hundred.
And I'm afraid that I don't have the strength to pull through.

I don't want him to die.