It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace.

"We talk like we know what's going on but we don't, we don't have any idea. Look, we're really young and we're gonna screw up a lot. You know, we're going to keep changing our minds and... and sometimes even our hearts. And through all of that, the only real thing we can offer each other is forgiveness. And I couldn't do that. Or at least I did it too late. Don't let yourself get so angry that you stop loving because one day you'll wake up from that anger and the person you love will be gone."

5 months into the relationship and you're already calling him your... HUBBY?
I don't know whether to be embarrassed/sad/annoyed.
Puhleaze. For the sake of the other women out there who actually have A FRIGGIN BACKBONE. Don't call anyone your "hubby" unless you have the ring to prove it aight?

Don't know why I'm mega ultra agitated by this. Probably because I didn't really like the girl mentioned above to start with. And probably because I've recently found out that she has the same lipstick (brand, color everything) as me. And it's my fav.
Yes, this is how petty us women can be. BUT SHE HAS MY FAV LIPSTICK WTF.
T~T

Why am I still PMS-ing.

Anyway.

First day of Sem 2 was really lame. I was 15 minutes late for the first lecture and by the time I got to the theatre halls everyone were out. Then it was wasting about 2 hours in the canteen till the next lecture (Basic Microbiology). I was so pumped because I thought it was gonna be another short introduction to the course but it turned out to be an hour "short".
I fell asleep twice. First (proper) lecture and I'm already sleeping in class. Not a good sign at all.

So we learnt about bacteria and all the fucked up names that they have. I think the scientists who discovered bacteria wanted to leave behind their legacy of how awesomely smart they are, so they all purposely gave the bacteria/ microbes the longest most retarded sounding names ever. And they're all in heaven/hell/hades laughing at us fumbling over the names.

Oh btw: did you know that the word Fungi is not pronounced as fun-guy? It's supposed to be pronounced as fun-jee. Yeah so technically the mushroom-fun guy joke isn't valid.

Whittaker (biologist who discovered fungi): It's fun-jee you morons! Fun-jee! LMFAO these kids are so dumb right now there is no more hope in humanity!
Us (to people we deem dumber): Huh? WTH is fun-jie? It's pronounced as fun-guy idiot! Hahaha, fun-jie!

So that is my theory on "scientific" names.

And and, everyone agrees that the largest living thing on Earth is the Blue Whale right?
Wrong.
Apparently, this is:  Armillaria ostoyae
Y'know when the lecturer gave the dramatic pause before she revealed the answer, some smart-ass behind me said "water". HAHAHAHA! Ya damn right water is the largest living thing on Earth.
Noobs.

Good thing about the first week of school is that there are no tutorial/lab classes. And although my timetable sucks, this week kinda made up for it because I have no school tomorrow. How awesome. So I'll be studying with EunG at GWC tmw heehee! So excited to show her the toilets ^.^

<3 Im out yoz yay no more depressing entries.

After awhile you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean possession
and company doesn't mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build your roads today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight.

After awhile you learn that even sunshine
burns if you get too much
so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn...

Now I know why our timetables were released so late. My timetable is horrendous. When the file loaded the first thing that came to mind was: Fuck.
Thank God I didn't get French as an elective. I would die. But I have 2 electives instead- Understanding Art and Intro to Psychology. The school thinks I can juggle it all. Assumptions, assumptions.

2 more days till I bid goodbye to the life I once had.

:<

You know why it's so much easier listening to music about one night stands, lust at first sights, party and don't be committed, etc etc.
Because it doesn't hurt.

Those songs about true love, soulmates, lovin you long time, etc etc etc- yeah, they're friggin hard to listen to. 
Because they're so full of hope in contrast with your empty ones. And you're thinking, one day I wanna relate to this song. But it never happens.

I think I'm pms-ing.

Chase dreams may represent your way of coping with fears, stress or various situations in your waking life. Instead of confronting the situation, you are running away and avoiding it. Ask yourself who is the one chasing you and you may gain some understanding and insight on the source of your fears and pressure. The pursuer or attacker who is chasing you in your dream may also represent a part of yourself. Your own feelings of anger, jealousy, fear, and possibly love, can assume the appearance of threatening figure.

Uncontrolled water will often create a sense of unease for a dreamer. Raging rivers, rapids and lakes without borders often reflect being out of control of one's circumstances. Still deep water, while sometimes refreshing, may also create unease. This is because of the murkiness or uncertainty of what lies below the surface.


Wild animals may reflect an area of our lives that is out of control. Many animals have stereotypical meanings that can tell more of their presence. Think of what the wild animal means to you in waking life to understand the reason for its presence in your dream.

Yes I'm slipping away. And I don't know what to do about it.
Or maybe I do & I just don't wanna. 

A part of me wishes that I could go back to who I used to be, cause back then it all meant something to me. Now nothing matters anymore. But the other part of me loves the thrill.

What's wrong with me. I'm dead and gone. My spirit's dead and gone. God doesn't even matter anymore. That's the state I'm in now. God used to matter so much. But now I feel like it's all getting old and tired and I just wanna quit.

Somehow though I find myself going back to church every Saturday. Somewhere inside I know that if I don't, there will be no anchor to hold me down. And that's when I'll truly be dead and gone. It's like I'm hanging by a thread. And I'm just swaying and swaying and I'm staring at the thread, unwinding slowly and before I know it there would be nothing left to grab onto.

Don't be a bitch and yell at me just cause you're agitated and having nicotine withdrawals. Heck I was in a sour mood too but I don't go around giving you attitude. Urgh you make me so frustrated but at the end of the day I can never stay mad at you.
Urrrrghhhh.

You make me so frustrated M, you really do.

& calling me in the middle of the night just to tell me that you have a date? Yeah I'm so happy for you that she's a model and you've finally got your game on after 6 long months. Seriously, what the hell? Hours ago you had your arms around me.
Jerk.
I know you're playing games so bring it on. I'm sick of being player's victim. It's about time I stop being so damn soft and vulnerable.

So guess what, Y's been texting me about "knowing each other better" and ha ha ha ha ha. You're not the only one playing the field.

Anyway.
I wanna watch:
The Town. Takers. Eat Pray Love.

Sometimes I feel like I'm slipping. It's bad, I know. But right now I don't really give a :)
With that said, I do have the few ground rules to keep myself from being in too deep. And they will not be broken.

Girls just wanna have fun.

So please don't fall in love with me. I'm just gonna break your heart cause I'm not interested in a relationship.

And M, you are fun. Lighthearted, non-committed. Plus you smell so good. And you feel so good. And you are not in love with me. That's why I like you more.

I am on good terms with - now.
He is still flirting.

I am flirting back.

Holey hell what is going on.

What. Is. Going. On. 
It feels so good to talk to him again. Comfortable. Familiar. And I've missed him so.

Shit Hannah. THIS IS INSANE. And I am scared.

Why am I getting butterflies. And why is pickl the last thing on my mind right now. No, pickl's not even on my mind.

Shit this is bad But it's good. It's good bad.

CHARLIE ST CLOUD = A MILLION FREAKIN STARS.
ZAC EFRON IS SO HANDSOME I NEARLY DIED IN THE CINEMA BECAUSE HE KEPT TAKING MY BREATH AWAY EVERY SINGLE TIME HE WAS ON SCREEN.
OMG.
I DON'T USUALLY TYPE IN CAPS BECAUSE I THINK IT'S RATHER RUDE BUT...
OMFG.
HE CAN TAKE ME FOR A SPIN ON HIS YACHT ANYWHERE, ANYTIME, ANY DAY. I AM ALL HIS.

Hi my name is Hannah and I am going to refresh myself.

I'm going to stop thinking about things that I shouldn't. I'm going to only think of happy and positive thoughts. Because life is too short to be wasted away on self-indulgent misery.

I want my life back.

Cuz I'm young and I'm free.

(Oh & btw...)


This is a case by which I know that I shouldn't but I want to/ don't care. Worse thing is I am sensible enough to realize this fact but yet I find it too hard to do the right thing. Self-control doesn't work when YES is so much louder than no.

I mean, c'mon.
IT'S DAVID GUETTA.

& I just wanna have fun.
:<

I feel like quitting. Really, I feel like just dropping out and find something else to do. Because I just wanna stop feeling like this.

I wanna stop thinking about him at night. I wanna stop thinking about him in the morning. I wanna listen to music on my ipod without having songs reminding me of him. I wanna go out with guys without feeling guilty for liking him a million times more. I wanna be free and independent and I don't want to have 50% of my world revolving around him. I wanna hear his name without feeling so weird inside.

I think that I've done quite a good job distancing myself. Being in denial, finding temporal distractions, telling him that I don't have a crush on him anymore (which I thought would actually come to pass but noooo...) Today my sister randomly said that my face changes every time I look at him. I don't know what to make of that. Am I really that transparent? I thought I've been hiding it pretty well. Every time I see him something in me gives way. I don't know what it is. I don't know how to stop it.

The thing that confuses me the most is this: I can get over L after a year or so but I can't get my heart to stop feeling for - after like what, five freaking years?

I am miserable today. I'm miserable most of the time after thinking about -. It's so easy to say that I've gotta let him go and stop tormenting myself, but goodness gracious.
I can't.
Seriously. I fucking can't. And it hurts because I know that he doesn't give much of a damn about me. He doesn't even have a clue how he's screwing my head around. And I would probably rather shoot myself then have him know how much he's messing with my heart.

I needa go to rehab. Take some anti-pickl pills.
I really can't take this anymore.

I'm not going anywhere. This is it for me. You're it for me. I can't pretend to feel any less than I do. I'm sorry, I just can't.

Today I broke my clean record. I dropped the Insomnia (ice blended coffee) on an Italian guy. Thank God I didn't drop it on his date. But still... O YE HORROR.
It all happened so fast, one second I was balancing the tray and serving his date her Insomnia, and the next... gawd. It got on his shirt and pants.
I was mortified x100000000000000000000000000000000000000

How did I know he was Italian? Well he swore in Italian. Something about mother Mary and sweet baby Jesus. Sounded really classy though. But that's not the point. The point is...

I fkn screwed up.

But he was so nice to me after. He was like "it's okay bella shit happens sometimes" and I felt like crying just cause he was sooo understanding. And he called me bella.

My mood was still a little down in the dumps after that horrifying accident. Thank God it started okay. I got to play with kids in the afternoon.



That's Syahira and the lovely Oliver! He kept feeding me with his food LOL sweet kid. Anyway his expression in this photo is exactly how I felt.