Felly was too shy to groove so we just sat and watched and drank. In other words, Zirca was kinda boring. Weird crowd tonight.




Anyway I think I better stop the alcohol consumption because I really am paranoid about alcohol poisoning. My liver is everything to me.

Early day tomorrow. Gotta look after the kid. It's gonna be a nightmare I can already predict. Seth abuses me. Sigh but why does he have to be so darn cute? His cuteness lets him get away with almost everything.





I love you my little nightmare of a brother.

I love Cherry Vodka.
I love Cherry Vodka.
Thank you Earl for sharing it with me though it's limited edition.

Omg I love Cherry Vodka. And Im not drunk. Earl is. Edel was K.O on the bed. Maricel was... hahaha drunk silly. Maurice ditched us -.- so annoyed that he left me alone with all the 24 and above. I felt like such a baby.
Anyway I feel pretty high now cause I think I had a bit too much I should have just mixed it with the Sprite.

I love Cherry Vodka :)

Hi everyone I am currently watching the shit outta So You Think You Can Dance 7. It is phenomenal.
Mind blowing oh my gosh seriously.
That sentence didn't even make sense but this is how excited I am.

For one, I love all-star Lauren because we have the same hair. Only difference is she's smokin hot and I'm not but who cares hahahaha. K maybe I do a bit. Anyway. She is just so comfortable with her sensuality its almost something to look up to. And then there's the blonde Lauren.
Blonde Lauren and Kent sitting under a tree, K I S S I N G.
Love their little on/off camera chemistry.

Kent is such a cutie. How can you not fall for his boyish charms. There's just something so *NSYNC about him which is kinda hot cause I still think *NSYNC is sexy.

And then Billy. Billy Bell. His name is something to LOL about I know but he is just.... Billy. Billy dances like Billy. I can't really find anything to compare with him because he is just darn good.

Ah shit they all dance so well. It's not even a competition anymore.

It's now 5am in the morning and I've been watching ever since I came back from work :/ and I know I should really stop now but the dancing....

too addictive.

So I talked to him today. Felt it again. The very same feelings. In all honesty even though I've been with other guys they don't measure up. Not even close. How crazy. This is by far the longest I've ever had a thing for someone and it's starting to really scare me because I can't do anything about it. 

The past week I've been so mad at how I've let stupid boys waste my time. But funny how he comes along and it's like all is forgotten. I'd be willing to waste a lifetime.
Insane, right?

I am rather terrified of my own feelings now. I'm so glad that I met Charmaine and Charlotte to talk today, because I know that they would understand (somewhat). In all honesty, and I know I've already mentioned this one crazy fact but, if I were committed to someone else and ----- finally has feelings for me, I'd end the relationship in a heartbeat.

I really don't know why I'm still feeling this way. In fact almost every time I feel let down I'd think that if it were -----, it would have worked out. Because he'll never do such a thing.
But then again, what do I know?

Urgh why did I even go up to him tonight.
Maybe if I continued staying my distance then I could keep my feelings in check. But I can't help it. It's like my brain shuts down.

K Hannah your heart is officially unstable. Time to give this up to God.

No I can't take one more step towards you

Cause all that's waiting is regret

And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore

You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive

And now you want me one more time


And who do you think you are

Running around leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are


I hear you're asking all around

If I am anywhere to be found

But I have grown too strong

To ever fall back in your arms


And it took so long just to feel alright

Remember how to put back the light in my eyes

I wish I would have missed the first time that we kissed

Cause you broke all your promises

And now you're back

You don't get to get me back


And who do you think you are

Running around leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

Don't come back for me

Don't come back at all


Who do you think you are

This is exactly what I feel like doing. 

Urgh. What the hell was I even thinking?  Wouldn't blame it on the booze. Wish I could though. Wish I could say that I didn't even remember it, and that it was so out of my character and the real Hannah wouldn't do that but... that would just be the coward's way out of things.
Maybe if he had reacted differently 2 days later I would have not regretted it at all. I don't know. He probably thinks it isn't that big of a deal. Actually it isn't. I mean, we were just being friendly.
So why am I feeling so jittery? I think my mom's menopause is having hormonal side effects on me.

Oh by the way, I forgot to mention that after my little chill session at Sentosa, I've turned into a tomato. I swear this is by far the worst sunburn I've ever experienced. It's been 5 days now, and I'm not that red anymore. But still... redredred.

The MG gang minus Glenda (who is in China nowww) came over Fish&Co to surprise me! Hahahaha they are all so sweet <3 Work has been rather fun. I've realized that I prefer serving food than finding sizes. I've gotta say though that it wouldn't be the same without the team. Time passes so fast because half the time we're goofing around and talking about random stuff.

So friends if you're bored please come round and I'll be much delighted to serve you the best fish and chips in town  ^ ^

I had one long chunk of an entry about what happened last night. But then on second thoughts, I don't think that it would be wise.

I think it'll be best if it were for my eyes only. 

I'm feeling much better today.

Saturday was an intense journey down memory lane and I was kinda shocked at how much I'm still affected by it. It was weird, all the emotions. Anger, guilt, relief, fear, embarrassment and some others that I can't exactly put a name to. I tried keeping a strong front but I guess I couldn't hold it up.
I'm really thankful that I could finally tell someone about it. It felt so liberating knowing how much they related too. I love you guys, you know who you are :)

Sunday I decided to unwind by the beach. Have some time for myself to just... process everything.

What happened happened, there's no way to go back in time to undo it. It's no use pretending like it never happened either. Because it did, and as traumatizing as it was, the only way around to dealing with it positively is to learn from the bad experience. Accept that it was both our faults and let it go. I used to have nightmares about it and part of my insomnia was because of this but that was then.

People get over things. That's the only way to continue living life to the fullest. What's the use of dwelling on the bad stuff when all you're gonna do is miss out on the good.
I want to get over this. Completely. I just want to rid myself of feeling like shit about the situation. I know what I must do but it's just really hard and I don't know if I'll be capable and I kinda don't want to.

But what am I afraid of?

I used to think that by forgiving him it'll be like I'm being too easy. Maybe that's what I'm afraid of.

But I don't want to be. Because I know that I'm not going to be insecure anymore.

Okay enough of the deep thinking. I have absolutely no idea what to wear to the party later on. Earl said the theme's Hip Hop/ R&B. My wardrobe is anything but that.
Oh well I guess I just gotta mix and match. Earl said that I should look at my clothes and go: What would Rihanna wear?
HAHAHA.
Rihanna wears whatever she wants. She doesn't dress in a steryotype. Hence so should I.  

Here we are and I can't think from all the pills you made
 
Start the car and take me home
 
Here we are and you're too drunk to hear a word I say
 
Start the car and take me home
 
But here I am and I can't seem to see straight
 
But I'm too numb to feel right now
 
And here I am watching the clock that's ticking away my time
 
I'm too numb to feel right now

Do you understand who I am
 
Do you wanna know
 
Can you really see through me now
 
I am about to go

Just tonight I will stay
 
And we'll throw it all away
 
When the light hits your eyes
 
It's telling me I'm right
 
And if I, I am through
 
It's all because of you 

But just tonight I won't leave
 
I'll lie and you'll believe
 
Just tonight I will see
 
It's all because of me 
  
 Just tonight

I was halfway through my blog about how today's rainy weather ruined my plans to go beach bummin' and how disgusted I feel after having Mac for lunch. Then I thought of what's going on outside of sunny, (sheltered and spoiled) Singapore and felt so bad for ranting about my minuscule misfortunes.


So I've decided to dedicate this blog entry to Pakistan.


"I hope it floods in Orchard road again so we can take all the floating goods!"


Sure we do. 

Anyway, here's something to think about.

I'm quite put-off by the "people" who left comments on my tagboard. I bet they're one bunch of viruses. So whatever you do, don't click on their links!

I haven't been here for quite some time. Reason being I've already started work at Fish & Co.! Today would be my third day as a waitress, everyone there's really nice. Probably because I'm new but I like my colleagues a lot. It's really tiring clearing tables and serving food and taking orders the whole day, but this is a lot better than retail. Working at Desigual was... stressful.

My new fish friends are really funny. There's Earl, Joanna, Halim, Kathleen, William, Adel (who's the friendliest manager I know) and Matthew. Kathleen's my age which is AWESOME. Last night we worked till 11pm and we were just yacking away like girls do.

So far my screw-up count is 4. I dropped a spoon, forgot what the soup of the day was, had the tips flying across the floor, and asked the diner if she wanted to clear her plate too early (but on my defense it was empty!). I hate it when they go: "You can't wait to chase us of is it?" when all I want to do is serve them.
Idiots these people. And they're usually in their 40's. Women. In a pair. And Chinese.

The crew just laughed it off, which made things better. I'm relieved that I haven't dropped food yet, or broke something. That will be a disaster.

And now it's time for work so laterzzz fishes.

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And If I stumble again
I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine
When all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes
Beyond all fame

I'm naive and skeptical.

Back and forth again. Back and forth back and forth. What does he want?
More than friends but less than lovers? 

I feel rather angry & I want to punch him for making me feel so...
what's the word?

I don't know the word.  

Bye bye I'm going to get dressed and do my Math & Stats and then go to church.

& that's one thing to thank God for.





















Y'know what all these photos have in common?

It's LOL.
Laugh Out Loud, Lots of Laughter,
Lots of Love


 


But then you've got these to smile through the storms.



LOL my happy pills
<3

Sometimes the relationships you have in life- friendships, significant others, blood-ties- are just about the only reason you have for living. When you're at the dead end of a rocky road, stuck in a thunderstorm with nowhere to go, and heck  why not throw in a hideous ogre to fight, you can always count on people who care. 

But then what if they fail you. Then what?

What if that guy who seemed to care suddenly became something else. One day he's spending time with you and you're both having a great time and you really think that this might actually work. But the next he's out partying with his circle of friends, happily smiling for the camera with a girl on his lap. You start to think that hey, some other girl (like the one in his lap) might think that "this" might actually work too. And you know that you don't measure up.
Who's to blame in this case?  Him, because he led you on? The girl, for sitting on his lap? The photographer who posted it on Facebook?  Or yourself, because you knew that this was coming but you still signed up for the heartbreak.

What if that friend who you used to be close with and trusted with your secrets suddenly became distant. Like she decided that she didn't really like you after all. You try to find out what's wrong but she assures you that "nothing is" and "I'm not mad at you, why would I be?". But words are just words and you see right through them. You want things to go back to how it used to be, but you don't know how.
Is time to be blamed for this? Or the lack of?

There are times that I think that we should all just rely on ourselves. Who else is reliable other than you? Yes, there are the people you love but as much as gems and superheros they can be, it's just not humanly possible to be there all the time. And when that happens there's just you.

And God above watching as Earth slowly crumble into ruin, and His people oh-so caught up with saving Earth that they've missed the big picture.

I'm sorry this is such a depressing post. But that's just how life is. Bad things happen so you can be thankful for the good things.

3 down, 1 more to go.
That ^ is my drive. Making sure that Cheetahs live to see another day is the ultimate goal. I like Cheetahs because they are one of the most independent of animals. But sometimes independence becomes a vulnerability.

Focus focus,
hocus pocus.
Rhymefest.


But truth be told,
heeheeheee....it's like post-exams now. I'm in a holiday mood.

The Little Mermaid- founder of the camwhore phenomenon that has hit girls of all ages all over the world.

Today I got out of the shower and realized that I've gained a few. It's on the brink of hideous. What did I do to inherit short legs. I feel a little comforted that Vanessa Ann Hudgens has short legs too but still...  an Irish Setter will always look as elegant as a Dachshund.

So I did a quick recap of what I've been consuming lately.
Char Kway Teow. KFC. Caramel frapps. Chicken rice. Fries. Cinnamon sugar pretzels. Thai curry. Ice-cream. Milk tea.

I feel hungry just thinking about them.
Nonononononono I muz stop. Stop eating stop eating junk food.

This is what it's like if you hate to exercise. And have unfortunate body proportions. 

I've never liked Lady Gaga. There's just something... off about her. Yeah yeah, credit her creativity and individualism but did she need to go that far?

Her music videos are freaky. They send chills down my spine, and I'm not exaggerating. Her lyrics/ videos/ dressing all have some hidden meaning beneath all that superficial layer. And it's no secret that the read-between-the-lines have been linked to satanic worship and all that.

Sigh. It's so worrying how catchy her songs are. Despite having a strong dislike (and even fear) for Lady Gaga, I really, really like her songs. 

I wonder what will become of her a few more years down the road. Wouldn't be surprised if she turned into one big fame monster. Actually it wouldn't be surprising if she becomes idolized to the extent of an occult.

I went to Supercuts today. It's been awhile since I've been there.
I wuz considering EuniceG's Next salon since its so near my house but it was megabomb expensive please.

Now my hair is layered, a little shorter and it's black. I told my hairstylist to dye it the blackest possible black. Apparently the blackest black is a little blue. The coloring process took forever, and that wasn't all. There was still the hair treatment that my mom insists on. So while waiting I whipped out my biology notes.
Nerdfest.
But soon I got distracted because my hairstylist knows me best. He dumped a stack of magazines in front of me and told me to help myself. So I did.
Heh. I feel rather guilty now but hello street smarts > book smarts!

Anyway. I ruv my new hair.
Goodbye girl-next-door with the brown french braids.